The Illusion of Unrequited Love
We often find ourselves drawn to stories of unrequited love, whether in literature or in our own lives.
There is something romantic, albeit sad, about the idea of being unable to let go of someone who doesn’t reciprocate our feelings.
Is this kind of romantic fixation really love, or is it something else entirely?
The Allure of Unrequited Love
The famous love affair in Goethe’s Sorrows of Young Werther is a perfect example of this kind of romantic fixation.
Werther, the ardent young student, falls deeply in love with Charlotte, a charming and beautiful woman who is already married to someone else. Despite there being other single, attractive, and interested women around him, Werther only has eyes for Charlotte, and eventually decides to end his own life when he realizes he can never have her love.
While literature and society tend to romanticize this kind of unrequited passion, fixating on an absent love interest is actually a way of avoiding the realities of a true relationship.
By staying devoted to an unattainable love, we protect ourselves from the potential pain and difficulty of real romantic love.
Fear of Love
The fear of love can be motivated by a range of factors, from a reluctance to reveal our true selves to a fear of being hurt or rejected.
However, fixating on an absent love interest allows us to publicly demonstrate our commitment to love while privately shielding ourselves from its demands.
Overcoming Fixation
To overcome our fixation on an unresponsive ex, we need to be honest with ourselves about what attracted us to them in the first place.
Once we understand the specific qualities we admired in the ex, we can begin to see that those same qualities exist in other people who are available and interested in us.
This realization can be liberating, as it shows us that we are capable of loving and being loved by someone else.
The Challenge of True Love
True love requires us to step outside of our comfort zone and engage with the often-frightening prospect of a real relationship.
We must be willing to take the risk of being vulnerable and putting ourselves out there, even if it means potentially being hurt or rejected.
Ultimately, true love is not found in pining for an absent figure, but in daring to engage with the people around us who see us for who we truly are and love us anyway.
Conclusion
All in all, while the allure of unrequited love may be strong, it is ultimately an illusion that shields us from the challenges and rewards of true romantic love.
By being honest with ourselves about our motives and desires, we can overcome fixation and open ourselves up to the possibility of finding true love with someone who sees and accepts us for who we are.
